Men and sexuality
Men and sexuality
Your sexuality is a key part of who you are. Throughout your life, it will influence your choices and your experiences.
Looking after your sexual health is important. Be sure to practise safe sex, and remember, if you have any sexual health issues there is always someone you can talk to.
Sexuality for boys and young men
At around age 12, puberty starts for most boys.
Puberty
is the time when your sexual and reproductive organs mature. You will go through significant physical changes, including:
height and muscle growth
genital growth
hair growth
voice changes
wet dreams
erections
breast changes.
There are also many emotional changes including:
coping with your changing body
frustration because you feel different
mood swings
energy changes.
Men and masturbation
Masturbation
is touching and rubbing parts of your body for sexual pleasure. For example, you might touch or rub your penis until you ejaculate or ‘come’. It is normal to masturbate. You will probably become interested in this at some time in your childhood. It feels good and may help you cope with stress and relax.
There is no ‘normal’ amount of masturbation. ‘Normal’ can range from several times a day, week or month to not masturbating at all. How often you masturbate is not a problem, unless it is affecting your ability to live your everyday life.
Having sex for the first time
You have probably thought a lot about having sex for the first time. But you want to be sure you’re
ready for sex
. Before you do, there are a few things to think about. Remember:
Both partners need to agree to have sex.
No-one has the right to force you to have sex.
You always have the right to say no, and so does your partner.
It is okay to change your mind, even if you have already started.
Sexual attraction
Some men are sexually attracted to women, some men are attracted to men, some are attracted to both women and men. And other men are not attracted to anyone. There are many forms of
sexuality
– straight,
gay
,
bisexual
or asexual, just to name a few. And some men explore different types of sexuality, particularly when they are young.
If you are an adult and you are with a consenting adult, you are probably safe to explore your sexuality. Visit
Lawstuff
External Link
for more information about age, consent and the law.
Practise safe sex
Protect yourself and your partner from a
sexually transmissible infection
or an unplanned pregnancy by using contraception such as a condom or dental dam. They don’t cost much and you can get them at chemists and supermarkets.
If you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, and neither you nor your partner has a sexually transmissible disease, you could think about other types of
contraception
, if necessary.
Safe sex
doesn’t just mean contraception. It also means having sex that is enjoyable and respectful. This means:
having sex with the right person
having sex when you are both ready
having the kind of sex you both want and enjoy
having sex at a time and place you are both happy with
feeling good about the type of sex you are having.
Sexual assault
Sexual assault
is any unwanted sexual behaviour or activity that makes the victim feel uncomfortable, frightened or threatened. It is sexual activity that the victim has not given consent to. It refers to a broad range of sexual behaviours, including the use or threat of violence to force another person to engage in sexual activity against their will.
Sexual assault includes rape, child
sexual abuse
and indecent assault. These crimes are about power and control, not desire and pleasure. They affect the victim in many different ways, including:
shock and denial
shame and embarrassment
fear
silence
anxiety
depression
guilt and blame
low self-esteem
isolation
nightmares and flashbacks
withdrawal
mood swings
loss of confidence
loss of trust.
Men and women can both be victims of sexual assault. If you have been the victim of sexual assault, there are people that can help you.
If you need immediate help, call 000
. If you want to talk, see your doctor, or contact one of the services listed under ‘Where to Get Help’.
Men and sexual health
Just like any other aspect of your health, sometimes, things can go wrong with your sexual health. Some of the common sexual health issues affecting men are discussed below.
Premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation
is the most common sexual problem for men. It means you ejaculate sooner than you or your partner want, causing distress for one or both of you. It is a problem only if it happens all the time.
If this is happening to you, make sure you get professional advice from your doctor.
Some treatments for premature ejaculation might include:
behavioural techniques
Kegel
exercises
External Link
psychotherapy and counselling
reducing penile sensation
SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) and tricyclic antidepressants
erectile dysfunction treatments.
Erectile dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction (ED) usually has a physical cause. It is often linked with diabetes, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, smoking and obesity. But it can also be caused by psychological factors such as stress, anxiety or depression.
It is normal for you to experience ED occasionally, particularly if you have been drinking or are very tired. But if you find ED is becoming a regular problem, talk to your doctor. Treatments include counselling, oral medication, vacuum devices, penile injections and implants.
Reduced libido
Your
libido
is your sex drive or desire to have sex. Libido varies dramatically from one person to the next. And your libido will probably change over your life, depending on your age, health, lifestyle and relationship.
Here are some medical reasons why your sex drive may fall:
reduced levels of testosterone
chronic illness, such as diabetes or heart disease
impotence
obesity
depression
ejaculation problems
taking certain medications.
If you are worried, see your doctor. They can explain your options for working at getting your libido back.
Male fertility
The quality of your sperm decreases as you get older. As you age there is a risk that you may not be able to conceive increases. And there is a higher chance of miscarriage if the father is over 45 years old.
If you are experiencing
fertility
issues, its best to seek advice from a health professional.
Sex tips for older men
You are never too old to have sex. But as you get older, your testosterone levels decline and you may experience changes in sexual function (such as shorter orgasms, less semen and a longer time between erections).
So here are some tips to maintain a rewarding sex life:
Keep talking to your partner. Share needs, desires and concerns.
Stay healthy. Eat healthily. Don’t drink too much. Don’t smoke. Manage chronic conditions. And talk to your doctor about any particular sexual problems you have.
See a sex therapist. Ask your doctor for a referral.
Intimacy is not just having sex. Try kissing, touching and other intimate contact.
If you are planning to have sex with a new partner, use a condom. You are still at risk of STIs.
Where to get help
Your
GP (doctor)
Sex therapist
Psychologist
Melbourne Sexual Health
Centre
External Link
Tel.
(03) 9341 6200
or
1800 032 017
or TTY (for the hearing impaired)
(03) 9347 8619
MensLine
Australia
External Link
Tel.
1300 78 99 78
Sexual Assault Crisis
Line
External Link
Tel.
1800 806 292
, Victoria (from 5pm to 9am)
National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling
Service
External Link
(Australia) Tel. 1800 RESPECT (
1800 737 732
), 24 hours, 7 days
Victims of Crime
Helpline
External Link
Tel.
1800 819 817
QLife
External Link
(counselling and referral service for LGBTIQA+ people) – Tel.
1800 184 527
headspace
External Link
(mental health service for ages 12–25) – Tel.
1800 650 890
ReachOut
External Link
(youth mental health service)
Beyond
Blue
External Link
(for anyone feeling depressed or anxious) – Tel.
1300 22 4636
Lifeline
External Link
(support for anyone having a personal crisis) – Tel.
13 11 14
Kids
Helpline
External Link
Tel.
1800 55 1800
Switchboard
External Link
Tel.
1800 184 527
(telephone counselling, information and referrals)
Healthy
Male
External Link